Sunday, July 27, 2008

James Woods is NO carcarian carcarius

"Shark Week." One of my most favorite weeks ever, it's "The Hills" for armchair ichthyologists. (N.B.: I have never seen a single episode of "The Hills," a matter I truly mean to address in a future blog entry.)

Except.... except. The very honest truth is that while I genuinely enjoy sharks, what I'm really fascinated by is shark attacks. And herein lies the problem. As any shark or "Shark Week" aficionado knows, death by shark attack is about as likely a demise as death by chocolate. It just doesn't happen very often. The International Shark Attack File records something like 65 attacks a year, and most of them are of the "a sand shark just bit my toe! oh no! oh well!" variety.

So there are only so many truly sensationalist attacks that "Shark Week" can focus on, and the other sad truth is that I'm already intimately acquainted with all of them. The 1916 Jersey Shore attacks? I could tell you which limbs were lost by which victims. The USS Indianapolis tragedy? Let's just say that when I saw Jaws for the first time, at the age of 8, and listened to Quint recount his own USS Indianapolis experience, I instantly knew that the screenwriters had plagiarized an actual survivor's account -- which I'd read at the age of 7.

So I fear I'm at the end of my "Shark Week" addiction -- the highs are few and far between and are punctuated by unbearable cravings ("Can we PLEASE hear the details about that recent Laguna Beach attack already? Please please please?"). South African air shark footage is okay and all, but I can only take so many close-ups of doomed limpid-eyed seals.

Guess I need a new animal-attack fetish. Meantime, I'll be writing a long-overdue complaint letter to the producers of "Shark" for blatant misrepresentation.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Weeks of afternoon downpours

And it still has yet to occur to me to close the windows before I leave for work in the morning.