Live-blogging the Academy Award miscues
8:33 -- Ellen can't recall the name of the black guy from Blood Diamond
8:35 --Cameraman fails to locate Jew in the audience in response to Ellen's "blacks, gays and Jews" "joke"
8:37 -- Ellen dances
8:39 -- Nicole Kidman forgets to defrost her face prior to stage appearance
8:41 -- Academy decides the viewing audience can handle waiting an hour for first acting award
8:43 -- Dancing mimes??
8:47 -- Will Ferrell takes stage with dead poodle atop head
8:48 -- Dead poodle reawakens and springs atop John C. Reilly's head
8:59 -- Adorable little kid presenters inadvertedly underscore the falsity of all adults in Hollywood
9:05 -- Cameraman negates charming sentiment of short film director's "here's one for the little guy" speech by cutting to nepotism poster child Gwyneth Paltrow
9:08 -- Animal Planet fails to offer Puppy Awards counterprogramming
9:12 -- Academy fails to invite Michael Winslow of Police Academy fame to lead sound effect chorus
9:16 -- Sound effect guys don't make sound effects during acceptance speech
9:22 -- Meaghan loses $5 Supporting Actor bet due to Norbit factor
9:25 -- Ellen interviews Martin "Scuzzezzy"
9:26 -- Interpretive dance??
9:27 -- INTERPRETIVE PENGUINS??
9:30 -- Pizza and wing dings fail to arrive during James Taylor travesty
9:34 -- Al Gore forgoes pre-Oscar detox diet for pre-Oscar wing ding diet
9:48 -- Ben Affleck
9:50 -- Voters forgo one shot at hipster cred by failing to give Adapted Screenplay Oscar to Borat
10:12 -- Academy exceeds fat bearded guy Oscar winner quota with second Pan's Labyrinth win
10:15 -- Naomi Watts shows up in reasonable fascsimile of yellow Bebe dress I wore to 11th grade Thanksgiving assembly
10:30 -- Academy only sends interpretive snakes to eat Ellen
10:31 -- Writers pander to one-one billionth of home viewing audience still unaware of Ellen's lesbianism
10:59 -- Italian composer guy fails to shriek and climb all over the seats and declare his lusty Italian love for entire world upon Academy Award win
11:03 --Ditto Italian Babel guy
11:06 -- Ellen's new pantsuit fails to achieve desired "wowza!" effect
11:27 -- Three-hour Dreamgirls song and dance montage causes paroxysms of rage in Blog in Throat hubby
11:41 -- Eighteen-hour broadcast causes normally even-tempered Blog in Throat mother to send three-word email: "this show sucks."
11:49 -- Philip Seymour Hoffman pays follicle homage to Peter Jackson
12:13 -- Jack Nicholson pays follicle homage to Britney Spears
12:14 --Diane Keaton pays fruitcake homage to Britney Spears
12:17 -- Academy officially kicks off "Seinfeld in 2008" Oscars host campaign