Oh my. I just found out that my sister’s ex-girlfriend (call her Dolores) was on “Wheel of Fortune” last night. When Zoe dated her in college, Dolores was your typical prep-school, bi-curious, rich, rugby-playing Republican type. When she showed up to spin the wheel last night, she was in full Republican transgender regalia, which is to say super-short hair and a navy blue suit with gold buttons.

I guess kudos to “Wheel of Fortune” for being so progressive in its contestant selection process. Then again, Vanna has long been chased by those lesbian rumors, and Pat Sajak has always seemed gay as a summer’s day….

It’s neither justified nor healthy, but some days I feel overwhelming anger towards the doctors and lawyers and psychologists and professors of the world. Each of those professions comes with a set schedule of schooling and clear sets of rules and goals. And most doctors and professors and psychologists command a decent amount of societal respect. Even lawyers get some backhanded respect.

Life would be so easy if I had wanted to be one of these things. There are many days these days when I say, okay, I’m going back to school for my sociology Ph.D., just gonna do it. But I know that right now I would only be doing it to a.) feel intelligent again and b.) gain some better-defined career parameters. So I know those aren’t good enough reasons, but then again, if all I’m left with is feeling stupid and untethered, and is that really the more desirable option?

I’ve been remiss about blogging … my real job has finally caught up to me. Real jobs are so pesky that way.

Everyone is raving about The Simple Life these days, but the show is way too staged for my tastes. Rich Girls on MTV is far more sublime. Ally Hilfiger and Jaime Gleicher are so hilariously without a clue that the cameras need only keep running to create a great show. No trick editing required. The duo also provided me with one of my more sustained laughs in recent memory, after this exchange (I’m paraphrasing only slightly):

Jaime: “Ally, you know how I feel about your intelligence. It surpasses, like, ninety-nine point nine percent of the people in the world.”

Ally: “I know. Wait, wait do you mean, like, ‘surpassed’?”

As is to be expected, my hotmail account has recently been flooded with gift ideas from different retailers. But today I received a gift suggestion from a credit agency. It seems that a gift certificate redeemable for one free credit check “is a unique way for you to empower friends and family to understand and manage their own credit standing.” Who knew?

Today has been one long brain fart. For hours I’ve been staring at the same piece of writing, unable to change more than a few words here and there. I chalk this up to the Monty Python Holy Gr-Ale I drank last night. I saw it on the menu and had to see what it was all about; turns out it’s a nondescript beer with a super-high alcohol content. It was hardly worth a day of mental inertia.

For all you hippy-dippy yoga stalwarts out there, this may not seem like much, but here goes (deep breath full of uncontainable excitement): I did a headstand today.

This is huge for me. Prior to this day, I had never even successfully executed a cartwheel. My lack of gymnastic prowess knows no bounds. While other girls would be practicing their roundabouts in elementary school gym class (a cartwheel sans hands, for those not in the know) I would be eggrolling across a mat in the corner of the room. Fundamentally, I lack grace, strength, coordination and flexibility. So today, my chest is puffy with pride.